Endless Thoughts;

Woot woot Chapter 4

I've been writing a book/novel for awhile now. It started off as just random thoughts scribbled down and then me going off of that, thinking and answering my own questions. But it got really long, (which is good, the goal was to be 400 pages). Aside from that fact, I hadn't done anything with it in a long while, because you can't just sit down and write so much, you get that urge and you have a thought to write on. Well, I must say I just completed chapter 4 and I think it's my best yet. I'm very proud of myself so hopefully I'll give you guys a taste of it:

Chapter 4
Come hither loneliness

What is the root cause of loneliness? What causes us to mope in our realms of solitude? The fact that we don’t want to be around anyone and relevantly anywhere seems to be a reoccurring theme in our daily lives. Why do we constantly insist on time alone and “breaks” from everything else in the world? Why is it that we get more exhausted and tired as the days stroll along, never quite finding a balance between life and thought? I find that sometimes, life takes a lot more than you feel you can give, and when you offer a little, the maximum is taken ‘til you are like a budget that has plummeted into the negatives. And that’s just it, you become a negative, having nothing to give, as well as you profess and sport off your negativity. Such as being rude or depressed around others, and that is catchy to some degree. You can dampen those spirits of the life-full and beaming with joy. How is it that we can be okay with ourselves when we do such actions? I never quite got that, because for me, it just doesn’t make sense how someone would allow his or her horrible state rub off on another. Is it not the most worst feeling you think you can feel, so to allow someone else to share it, would be a selfish and cruel thing to allow to happen. You have to wonder whether we intend to cause our friends to catch our emotional disease on purpose, or if it is an accident that makes the condition worsen by the second.

Unhappiness, what an ugly bug to catch: that constant down-pull that leaves you with chains hanging from every limb. Your head feels as if looking up, and holding your body high will never reoccur again, that life basically as his a bottom that never lets go. Does that not scare you? Almost enough to make you never want to be unhappy again, yet that isn’t possible, for you and I both know that unhappiness is an emotion and you can’t outrun it. A little dose of down doesn’t affect your meal of up. In other words, if feeling down isn’t totally avoidable, it’s alright because for every little bit you feel unhappy, there is a bigger amount, enough to be doubled, in happiness.

I look at our emotional state as land and sea. Take a pool for example, nice palm springs or hot Mexico. Now think of being by the shore, and then a deep drop off into nothingness. If you tread in the water, head above and body under, you are at a peace, things are good, but they are also bad (we’ll say this water is cold and you’re scared of sharks). So it’s not too bad, you can get out fast, and you tend to forget the cold, possibly shark-infested water because of the beauty of wherever you are. That’s the line of happy and unhappy – content.

Now take a dive under the water. It’s a little nerve racking, because you’re going on no air, but you’ve got at least 30 seconds in your lungs and you aren’t far from the surface is there is a problem, it’s all okay. That’s just below the line of content, aka being a little unhappy but only for a little while – temporary unhappiness. It’s something you can shake off really quick and realize that the small dive wasn’t too bad and return to the surface.

Getting deeper down now, you feel more scared with every push your body makes to sink down. Farther and farther from the top, and you are running on less and less air as the seconds past. It’s getting colder and colder because the sun’s rays don’t reach down this far. Is there something there? Oh crap, I’m about 8 feet below the surface… what just touched my foot!? Now you’re panicking, what are you going to do? You can’t go up with what air you have less, you’re drowning, dying.

Notice how the deeper you go, the harder it seems to get back up in time before it is too late? That’s the thought of unhappiness, above the water, yes, things go wrong, and you feel yourself moving closer and closer to the inviting water. Yet once you’re in, you feel there is so much effort to get out that you should just give up.
I leave myself in wonder how our fears are put aside to a point where something we would never dare go near, looks somewhat inviting and begins to tug at our cravings. Who craves to be sad? Everyone. At some point or another, you subconsciously want to let it all out and be unhappy because staying above the water seems to take too much effort at certain points more than others. Yet we need to keep in mind that going for a swim is fine, and diving into the pool is alright, as long as we plan and make sure we come back up onto the pool deck when we’re done.

posted by Emily @ 10:36 AM